Saturday, January 16, 2010

ACHTUNG LADIES: JUST SHOOT HIM!

dr.melanie and i were on our way to yoga class this wednesday evening when we learnt a very valuable lesson.


so there we were, looking like pragmatic padminis in our baggy sweatpants and tees, our faces well scrubbed, our hair pulled back into pony tails, trying to flag down an auto at 6.30pm on sv road.


within 5 minutes we ended up flagging down a stalker instead.


our eyes met about 100 meters before he reached us. then he slowed down and coasted past. his eyes held mine as he pulled up a few meters down the road, swung his leg over and parked his bike. he was about six feet tall with a heavy stubble, and he looked like he’d just walked off a b-grade gangster movie shoot where he was playing the chief ambient asshole.


i chivvied the doctor (who hadn’t noticed our new admirer) into a nearby auto and told the driver to get a move on it.


unfortunately, our autowalla (unlike most mumbai autowallas) drove his vehicle like a luna. he putputted along like a novice and seemed utterly cowed by the rush hour frenzy.


the asshole had a field day swooping gracefully in and out of traffic behind our auto. he’d materialize next to us whichever way we turned. sometimes he’d pull up close and leer in, sometimes he’d ogle at us across the car tops. he didn’t do a thing except stare us with his sick, menacing, x-ray vision.


is he going to do anything? – the doctor asked me.


i have no clue! – i muttered jumpily as we pulled up at a traffic signal.


the asshole pulled up one car away, stalled his bike, turned around and got back to business, viz, leching.


well, i’m just going to shoot him and his license plate while he eyeballs us! – said the doctor.


then she pointed her phone camera at the asshole and commenced clicking like a pro.


within a few seconds the balance of power had dramatically shifted and the hunter had transformed into the prey.


while the good doctor and i clicked away like a pair of professional japanese tourists, the asshole uneasily shifted his bike ahead and behind the car to conceal his license plate.


here he is, attempting to blend in with the rest of the respectable folks:



as soon as the signal changed, he fell back into the surging sea of vehicles and disappeared. we spotted him one or twice again, bolting ahead of us in the traffic. he seemed to be in quite a rush to get away.


the good doctor and i got in to yoga class feeling like the goddamn KINGS of the fucking road :)


so keep your phone cameras handy ladies, and just shoot the next SOB you meet on the road! you don't even need to get a good shot...he just needs to think so!

13 comments:

Perakath said...

That's a great idea!

ki said...

A brilliant solution to all those lechers who think ogling at women is their birthright! GRRRRRR

Scattered Thoughts... said...

Uhh..not bad.. you should be happy yaar.. some one finds you worth eying.. no ;)

BTW have you tried to return back an equally piercing stare? I dont know how it turns out but just curious :D

This is that said...

Good good good..kudos..

mentalie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mentalie said...

@perakath, it worked like a charm! which is why dr.mel and i thought we should let as many folks as possible know.

@ki, i'll BET you know what this feels like in dilli! wield your phone like a weapon, ki! i'm also planning to stock up on mace for when i come there.

@scattered, if you ever had to put up with this shit i'm sure you wouldn't say what you just did. no, i do not feel lucky about that SOB getting his kicks from harassing my friend and me. yes, i did stare back - not because i was curious, but to try and cow him down. for your information, he loved it. which brings me to my last point - male attention is no problem for my friend, me and women in general on most indian roads. and i say this with no ego at all, because it's not because we are so hot...it's because those men are so goddamn desperate!

@this is that, danke! do keep it in mind.

blunt edges said...

lol...now how brilliant was that! :D

Scattered Thoughts... said...

Point taken ma'am. I am sure I can not imagine the exact state of mind by sitting on this side of desk. And BTW, I didn't mean to offend you.. take it light :)

*Shreya* said...

and i thought such speciMENs no more exists in a city like Bbay =/
Its annoying, very!!!
The train ones are worse...

Anupama said...

I was once in a similar situation in Coorg and yes the camera had come to the rescue then as well...the group of boys harassing us took to their heels...great job ladies and I hope more and more of us wake up to the fact that we are more intelligent than guys can possibly fathom...like you said, they just need to think we are getting a good shot :)

TC...

Sangfroid said...

LOL! That's the way to go.
The stalker in him will take rest, at least for a while.

Well done :-D

mentalie said...

@shreya, on the contrary, they never existed in mumbai until now. beware!

@anupama, good for you too!

@sangfroid, yes, i certainly hope he's taking a few days off :)

Jandy said...

ach ! brilliant strategy. brillianter writing.

last word by the acp

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