Saturday, September 19, 2009

sa re ga ma duh (duh re mi)



it’s c / a-minor / g / d-minor, right?

yeah, it’s like…

waitwaitwaittt!!! lemmefigureitout! hang on, ummm…THAT’s the g…and so, the c is…!!!...and the d, d…d…no, d-minor…and the…dude, that’s the a-minor, right?

yeah, that should be it.

ok, let’s try…c / C / C / a-minor / A-MINOR…AND a g / G / G…D-MINOR / d-minor...tsk! NOoooaaaAAARRRGGGHH…doesn’t SOUND right!!!

wait, try it like this...

HANGON, dude! IKNOWTHIS…

NO! NO! NO! you’ve gotto play it OPEN, dude! like THIS...see?

*STRUMMMmm*

*STRUMMMmm*

*STRUMMMmm*

aaaAAAAAAAAAAAHHHhhhhhhhh…THEREitIS!

and there i was. feeling like a regressive gene in the room full of impassioned musicians. well, there were just three of them. but within about 56 seconds of saying hello The Absence Of The Guitar had been identified as the unbearably jarring note in what might have otherwise been a perfect set up, and taken over the zeitgeist of the evening. the next hour was fraught with high emotion.

ok i’ve got one, but it’s left handed...

no, no, let’s find a right handed guitar, dude. i’ve got my harp, he plays base, we can totally JAM!

i know who’ll have one! * frantic phone call * ...aWw crap, down with the flu!

* frantic phone call * got through! damn, out of town!

* frantic phone call * found one!! @%#@ won’t lend it!

what about shamik? * frantic phone call * who the fuck eats dinner at malad, #$%#@%!

WHY CAN’T WE FIND ONE BLOODY GUITAR IN ALL OF BLOODY BANDRA!?!

finally, The Guitar arrived - fashionably late like the star she was - and launched straight into a tantrum: I Am Left Handed, she said, ssTRUMmmmMPLINK!

the musicians were unfazed. they hacked her like a bit of kindergarden morse code. the left handed one translated, the right handed one adapted. then the right handed one directed and the left handed one played. then the third one pitched in. this was their thing, hacking the guitar. at some point in their lives, they picked up a code that made talking to each other easier. but they never had to learn her language. they were born with it. they made it look like a such joy ride. singing, strumming, freewheeling…



i, on the other hand, feel like a chump around the guitar. as i type this, mine stands across the room, leaning against the chest of drawers. to all intents and purposes that’s what it’s been doing ever since we met and i can see it’s lost patience. it's been tapping its foot for a decade now, waiting for me to do something...do anything…but not THAT!

THAT is what i do when i lay my hands upon the guitar :-(



image credits: ‘the talk box guitar effect’ by daniel nester, www.danielnester.com; freewheeling dolphins, www.virb.com; ‘the big fart’ by thorarinn leifsson, www.totil.com

16 comments:

Atrisa said...

OMG OMG OMG it happens to me all the time! These two friends of mine would just go rambling along strings of chords and I would stand in the corner with the microphone in my hand saying When do we start? Oh you take me back to those beautiful days *sob sob*

Just two days back we could not get a microphone. But I had gifted my date for the fresher's party one and I decided to make use of it ;) So we went to his room, rummaged through his cupboard and then went all over the hostel trying to locate it. The joys of music!

Atrisa said...

Hold on a sec, you have a harp? You do some gigs around town?

As the Mind Meanders said...

You guitar is also a digestive????

WOW

agent green glass said...

well, no worries mentalie. not only did i feel equally left out. but i couldn't blow them bubbles either.

something the two feet nothing bitch would have you believe was the most important thing in life after sex.

so no guitar. no bubbles. only some pathetic attempts at keeping time with jeera goli filled ducks. sigh!

Naveen kumar said...

nice pics ....

Anupama said...

That's what I do to my guitsr too :(

I'm sure your guitar and mine could totally get together and jam instead of being pieces of furniture around the room...let me know if your guitar is up for it :)

slash\\ said...

oh yes. the old guitar complex. i can play only a few open chords and a few bass notes. but no matter what, whoever i meet who can play the guitar, ALWAYS plays better than me. and he goes into the chromatic scales and quarter notes zone, which makes me want to dig a hole in the corner. for my guitar.

ki said...

I can play nothing. Except the harmonium. Sigh.

ani_aset said...

well ya thats what i felt like when i waited with a mike in hand trying to figure out what this code meant..and then i said it was enough and i need to learn this...and then i jumped into learning it..and like your guitar mine is lying in a corner :)..i thought once i finish dancing i can learn it again..but looks like i will have to learn both together..and now i am starting soon :)..thanks this post made me happy :D

blunt edges said...

my only tryst with music is that i hear a lot of it...so a minor/major just means a kid/adult 2 me ;)

Cynic in Wonderland said...

a year of classes, and i can barely manage nursery rhymes. dont even get me STARTED.

mentalie said...

@atrisa, atrisa...whatever gave you the impression that i have any musical talents? especially after that post :) i do however own two mouth organs and a guitar. just in case!

@AMM, you misunderstand...my guitar cannot stomach me!

@AGG, come on, you were totally jamming with those jeera goli ducks! i wouldn't worry about the bubble head :)

@naveen, thank you!

@anupama, my guitar refuses to be a part of any plan that involves me playing it :( does your guitar have bad attitude too?

@slash, i'll BET you're better than me :D thank you for coming by!

@ki, SHOWOFF

@ani, i am glad you enjoyed this post and that i didn't spread gloom and misery all over your desktop :) hey, i'm taking belly dancing lessons from next week! am super excited. no plans reg the guitar yet though...!

@blunt! me too :D

@cynic...i know that feeling! %$#^%$@$%^!

ani_aset said...

ahaaa :) super hai ;)

Anupama said...

Oh talk about bad attitude and my guitar would be right up there! It's more snooty really...just sits there high and mighty and keeps ignoring me...

Maybe your guitar and mine could be frat brothers of some sort...the punk kids of their generation...what do you think?

mentalie said...

to be honest, i think maybe we stink at playing the guitar. don't let on to your guitar though, that would make it insufferable!

Jil Jil Ramamani said...

I started with the harmonica. Woe betide me. I never had the guts to let a guitar rust like that next to the forsaken harmonica.

last word by the acp

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