Thursday, January 21, 2010

the one that got away - I

three months ago, on the morning of my 32nd birthday, i woke up and reached for the pack of wills navy cut that lay beside me on my bed as usual.

then i didn’t smoke a cigarette.

not smoking has been that simple and that hard for me. 

i congratulate myself for every cigarette that i don’t smoke and celebrate every one of them as a personal victory.

especially because i still love smoking, as i am sure i always will. 

strangely enough, always being highly conscious of the fact that i'll never get over it is the only thing that keeps me from smoking a cigarette. 

i have found that quitting smoking is exactly like the boy or girl you can never quite get out of your system. you know...the one you will always be vulnerable to...who you must be careful not to spend too much 'alone time' with...who you must be careful not to go drinking with anymore...who you might find yourself pining for some days...who you have given into again and again woken up to regret the act.

like i did just yesterday when i smoked that last cigarette which was hiding in the corner of a pack that got left behind on my sofa by mistake.

there it was one minute, temptingly winking at me like the devil.

the next minute it was over and done with, a sad little pile of ash at the bottom of the empty cigarette pack.

it was so sudden and urgent that i don’t even remember what happened.

afterwards, i felt slightly foolish and icky…but also slightly electrified…how easy it was to just slip back!

then in the evening, i lit another one when i was a few drinks down. i would have smoked it too, and gone on to finish off the whole pack i’m sure. except that a friend stepped in to rescue me from myself this time.

so i’m keeping my fingers crossed for better sense to prevail and thanking the good lord above for the good friends who help me rise above this evil love of mine.

and i am writing off yesterday as the day i got away with it :)

amen to that!


Anupama said...

It is scary how people can be replaced with things and the dependence and intensity of feeling maintained at the same degree sometimes...for all our talk about we being social animals, I think the human brain is quite easy to fool...loved your analogy and how you drew parallels between the two things :)

agent green glass said...

noooo. load up on the nirdoshs fast.

Scattered Thoughts... said...

well.. not as easy as sounds.. both of the things in fact..

blunt edges said...

amen indeed ;)

the way u compared it with the person u can never get over was really cool...never quite heard it that way! :D

ani_aset said...

i heard a doc say once..."its like the love of your life, whom you have loved for years, and now you have been told from all quarters that the same love is actually eating you up bit by bit...but at the end of the day love sees no reason, hears no reason :)"

R said...

Perfect. I remember finding it pretty tough to quit. But it's one of the smartest things I've done till date. If you believe my dentist.

last word by the acp